YOU RESOLVE: To be taught to juggle with 5 balls.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Juggling with three balls.
YOU GET: Exasperated whenever you drop the primary ball, and determine to attempt once more later within the 12 months.
juggle your hopes for the brand new 12 months
YOU RESOLVE: To cease procrastinating.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Enthusiastic about stopping procrastinating.
YOU GET: Frightened this may not be fairly the precise time to begin excited about stopping procrastinating. Or is it?
YOU RESOLVE: To ship a daring plan to chop taxes and develop the economic system.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Staying in energy till the subsequent Common Election.
YOU GET: Booted out after simply 44 days, saying: ‘I look ahead to spending extra time in my constituency.’
YOU RESOLVE: To jot down a sequence of novels that may carry you fame and fortune.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Writing one brief novel which will likely be effectively obtained.
YOU GET: In a little bit of daze after writing ‘Chapter One’ and vow to complete the remainder after you’ve labored out a good first paragraph.
YOU RESOLVE: To be much more sunny and outgoing.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Being barely extra pleasant.
YOU GET: Shocked when your hairdresser says: ‘Had Christmas?’ and also you reply, ‘Might have been worse’.
YOU RESOLVE: To be extra constructive.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Not being fairly so damaging.
YOU GET: Irritated by Gregg Wallace and his grin, ‘See It, Say It, Sorted’, Harry and Meghan, the fats man with the twirly moustache who sings ‘Go Examine’; Lucy Worsley, ‘You Are Being Held in a Queue’, the complete Beckham household, Sandi Toksvig, bus substitute companies, Ken Bruce, reporters on TV who begin their studies with the phrases ‘So’ or ‘Effectively’, interviewees on the Right this moment programme who name the presenters by their first names, the self-regarding beardie on Bake Off, Lord Sugar and leaf-blowing machines.
YOU RESOLVE: To observe the seven-and-a-half hour Russian movie model of Warfare And Peace.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Watching the English TV model of Warfare And Peace.
YOU GET: Glued to Come Dine With Me, sequence 9 on catch-up, after which go straight into sequence ten.
YOU RESOLVE: To be taught to salsa.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Studying to twist.
YOU GET: A pointy ache in your again 5 minutes into your firstclass, adopted, in fast succession, by a cricked neck and a barely dizzy feeling, so determine to name it a day.
YOU RESOLVE: To spice up your reminiscence by studying a poem a day without work by coronary heart.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Remembering the place you left your automotive key.
YOU GET: Half-way up the steps and may’t keep in mind should you had been going up or coming down, and should you had been going up, what you had been going up for, and should you had been coming down, what you had been coming down for.
YOU RESOLVE: To be extra childlike.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Being extra infantile.
YOU GET: Right into a strop whenever you don’t get your individual manner, throw all of your toys off the desk and burst into tears.
YOU RESOLVE: To present the general public an opportunity to see who you actually are.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Giving the general public an opportunity to listen to your views on an essential subject that’s near your coronary heart.
YOU GET: To eat a kangaroo’s penis whereas being squirted with liquidised wombat whereas rats crawl round you in an underground coffin.
YOU RESOLVE: To be the wealthiest, most envied man on the planet.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Being one of many richest, most envied folks in America.
YOU GET: To purchase Twitter by mistake, lose $4 million a day, and develop into a global laughing inventory.
YOU RESOLVE: To go on the 5:2 food plan.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Happening the 6:1 food plan.
YOU GET: To remain on the 7:0 food plan.
YOU RESOLVE: To observe All Quiet On The Western Entrance.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Watching 1917.
YOU GET: Hooked on Carry On Up The Khyber.
YOU RESOLVE: To greet every day within the lotus place, chanting ‘Om’.
YOU’D SETTLE FOR: Ten press-ups adopted by a small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
YOU GET: Into the behavior of watching Good Morning Britain over a big bowl of Frosties and a bacon sandwich with a cappuccino.
